A Very Special Episode

**DISCLAIMER: If you know me in “real-life” (which, I think this the blogosphere is version of real life, but I digress). Where was I? Oh…yes. If you know me in real life and prefer to keep your current vision/opinion of me, I would skip this and read the archives/read a book/read a different blog (there are some nice ones listed on the side)

Alright chickens, get comfortable. This one’s a two-parter.

Still with me? So, the date. Well, this isn’t really about the date itself. I’ll possibly have a post on it, but it really wasn’t anything outside of a normal date, so we’ll see.

No, this post is about all the neurotic, emotional crap that the date has dredged up. I don’t want to re-hash all the specific thoughts here, because they are fairly irrational and may book me a ticket on the crazy train.

At any rate, I think somewhere, deep in my subconscious I was avoiding dating because I KNEW this was exactly what would happen. I am so overwhelmed with stress about the things that come along “with dating”. I seem to be incapable of dealing with the reasonably straightforward emotions that come along with HAVING A GOOD DATE.

The stressful thoughts that come into my head about what “do I do next” are physically manifesting themselves. I am so uncomfortable I feel like my skin is trying to turn inside out.

Whatever your opinion of normal is, I’m not sure this is it. The thoughts themselves even seem to be secondary. The fact that I am having these thoughts is upsetting the hell out of me.

This is how I got to the opting-out portion of our show. I’m not sure I want to go through this. Yes, it’s natural and it’s what comes “with the territory” but I’m not sure I can handle that. Alternatively, the concept of possibly being alone for the rest of my life terrifies me as well. I feel stuck between a hard place and a hard place. In chatting with Mom, perhaps I’m just one of those people who are not going to end up with someone. I can’t figure out how I feel about either situation.

Strangely enough, I’m not sure it has anything to do with my self-esteem. But the psyche is a funny place…it may have everything or nothing to do with self-esteem.

I understand that everyone is different and there’s no one way to feel or do things etcetera, etcetera. It’s just that this isn’t my first time feeling these things and maybe it’s the universe’s way of telling that I need to change my outlook on what the rest of my life actually looks like.

So, tonight I am seeing The Doc (and I have never looked forward to an appointment the way I have today). I’ll write something after I meet with her. Perhaps we can start to unravel this tangled ball of yarn.

The End is Nigh!

My hair is washed & straightened. The legs are shaven. That sound you hear? Those distant hoof beats? Why that's nothing. Just the 4 horsemen of the Apocalypse.

Yes, blogosphere, the Rapture is upon us.

I have a date.

I'm leaving it at that for the time being. Frankly, I don't need any more jinxes than are already upon my head.

However! Please feel free to leave tips and/or positive thoughts. (Yes I need tips. I'm not particularly good at this part of life and I haven't been on one in while)

I told you I'd be back when it was good.

I know. I know. I promised.

Aren't they cute??? Pinch their recently shaved cheeks and let's amuse them with our flirtations. It's likely the first time they've been able to focus on girls since September.




Alright...I promise, in the meantime I'll come up with a real cracker-jack!!