My heart aches...
I don't know if anyone was actually following the Baby Emily links, but she is now at peace.

I encourage you to leave comments if you wish:
http://captainhambone.typepad.com/emily/

I don't have a title.

Things are not going well.

Shit. Damn. Hell.

Sorry to be Debbie Downer ya'll, but I felt I needed to post this.
Please keep Baby Emily & the Mandell Family in your thoughts.

I don't even know where to begin

Hello Again!

It's been a while. To be honest, I am LACKING in the witty, poignant or topical posts. So, I thought I would take a page from Namby Pamby's playbook. I have been trying to get my 2007 W-2 stub back from this woman for a few weeks now, and last week I finally lost it. This is the correspondence we have been having.

And now, without further ado, I give you the most asinine email exchange EVER!!! (Well, maybe not ever, but in the Top 10 at least)

Please to read:

From: Dysfunction Junction
To: Mortgage Heifer
Sent: Thu Mar 19 21:25:21 2009
Subject: 2007 W-2
Mortgage Heifer,
I just looked at my 2007 tax return that was mailed back to me. My W-2 from Big Parent Company for 2007 appears to be missing. I need this for my accountant. Please let me know as soon as possible when you locate it.
Dysfunction Junction

From: Mortgage Heifer
Subject: Re: 2007 W-2
To: Dysfunction Junction
Date: Thursday, March 19, 2009, 11:24 PM
I will check DJ.

From: Dysfunction Junction
Sent: Monday, March 23, 2009 11:07 AM
To: Mortgage Heifer
Subject: Re: 2007 W-2
Hi MH,
Were you able to locate the 2007 W-2 stub from Big Parent Company?
Thanks, D-Jizzle

From: Mortgage Heifer
Subject: RE: 2007 W-2
To: Dysfunction Junction
Date: Monday, March 23, 2009, 1:30 PM
yes, where should I fax it to?

From: Dysfunction Junction
Subject: RE: 2007 W-2
To: Mortgage Heifer
Date: Monday, March 23, 2009, 3:12 PM
Could you just put it on “friend who works with you” desk? I have a meeting with her tomorrow so she can just bring it to me.
Thanks,
Dysfunction Junction

AFTER SHE DID NOT GIVE IT TO MY FRIEND TO BRING TO ME FOR A REASON THAT IS UNKNOWN BY EVERYONE ON EARTH!

From: Dysfunction Junction
To: Mortgage Heifer
Sent: Wed Mar 25 09:10:32 2009
Subject: RE: 2007 W-2
MH,
Were you not able to locate the original W-2? It's very important that I get this information to my accountant and I would really like the have the original in my possession.
Thanks!
DJ

From: Mortgage Heifer
Subject: Re: 2007 W-2
To: Dysfunction Junction 12:06 PM
Can I fax it to you?

From: Dysfunction Junction
To: Mortgage Heifer
Sent: Wed Mar 25 11:21:27 2009
Subject: Re: 2007 W-2
I can pick it up...to specify, do you have the original? I do not want a faxed copy; I would like the original for my personal records.
Thanks,
DJ

From: Mortgage Heifer
Subject: Re: 2007 W-2
To: Dysfunction Junction
Date: Wednesday, March 25, 2009, 12:49 PM
I am not in the office today and can messenger it to you tomorrow or fax you a copy I have on me.

From: Dysfunction Junction
Sent: Wednesday, March 25, 2009 12:42 PM
To: Mortgage Heifer
Subject: Re: 2007 W-2
I will pick it up tomorrow, there's no need to messenger it.I will be by between 4:30 & 4:45. If there is a front desk/receptionist area you can just put it in an envelope if you're unavailable.

From: Mortgage Heifer
Subject: RE: 2007 W-2
To: Dysfunction Junction
Date: Wednesday, March 25, 2009, 1:44 PM
Yes, will leave with receptionist.

No...no really. No need to thank me for the lost IQ points you now all have. Gifts of scotch are thanks enough. Oy vey.