9.26.2009

Good fences...

Will sometimes make you crazy.

Ya'll ready? I'm going to talk about teh feeeeelings...

Shit.

If you know me well enough, you know that the way I view my world can be a bit rigid. It's not something I'm particularly proud of, but I've managed to work really hard (mostly with the Doc) on being more flexible. The "real world" isn't black and white. Life is not that simple. Just because I want to box things up and keep things neat & tidy doesn't mean they will be.

Someone once told me, "you're a girl who lives your life in right angles." Do you know what you get when you have four right angles? You get a wall. You get order.

There are some things going on in my life right now that defy my cataloging system. By their very nature they are undefined, un-characterizable (yes, it's a word, at least it is now).

I'm doing a lot of work mentally & emotionally because, while some of this is scary, it is ultimately good for me. I have hopes. I've handled some things that, a mere six months ago, I would have checked out, said "thanks, but no thanks."

I want to believe that my hard work will pay off. That maybe this one road of mine won't be as bumpy as the others have been. I'm hoping I'm wiser. That I'm prepared to handle what may come. Because, what have I been working on with the Doc if not for this? That's what all my hard work has been for.

Because I AM ready.

**AUTHORESS' DISCLAIMER: THIS WAS A DIFFICULT POST FOR ME TO WRITE. I RESERVE THE RIGHT TO DELETE THIS IN A FIT OF PIQUE**

11 comments:

Laurie said...

Okay, you're ready. Good. Be ready on Wednesday night. Events TBD but you better be ready.

Also, don't delete this post. You're on the right path.

Colby said...

I was happy to find out that the lurking has been mutual. And I understand the need to sometimes delete - I've done it. But I like this one. It's inspiring.

12minds said...

I'm really liking the right angles analysis. And as someone who hearts compartmentalization, I've also recently learned that sometimes taking the chance and breaking down some walls - regardless of the immediate outcome - is worth it.

Don't delete this post. You've changed and you've grown. That, in and of itself, is worth celebrating.

Nashe^ said...

I got distracted by your profile- "I also have a terrible case of open mouth/insert foot"

I totes lol-ed.

And btw the word verification is "snot".

LiLu said...

Only you could use the word "pique" so perfectly.

xoxo

Dysfunction Junction: said...

Thank you guys...it's a process, but I'm pushing forward.

And your words always help.

avitania said...

As someone who finds comfort in a life lived in method and order, I can definitely relate to this post! Your hard work *will* pay off, resulting in a better, stronger, and more kickass you. (And in the meantime, the Doc gets richer by the 50 minute hour, so hey! everyone wins! I think my granola shrink got herself a new Subaru courtesy of my neuroses.) You're definitely on the right path - celebrate the process, I think/hope you find joy in the discovery.

Just don't whiz on the electric fence.

Alice said...

a) uh, sorry it took me 4 days to read this

b) i love your use of "pique"

c) hugs and love and more hugs and more love.

Dysfunction Junction: said...

A & A (avitania & alice...heee)

Thank you both for your support. I don't always get to where I want to go, but I always end up where I need to be.

And pique is one of my favorite words.

And I heart you both.

Marie said...

I just want to say that I send you hugs. A lot.

Adowling said...

If you dare to delete, I will have Olberman wear his corny glasses for three weeks while simultaneously bashing Twitter. Love ya! :)