Episode One: Part Two

First off: thank you to my commenters. I cannot tell you how much I appreciate you sharing your points of view. Here's hoping none of you wise up and start billing me; cause I canNOT afford to pay you guys and The Doc. Perhaps you will accept payment in baked goods?

So, since I know some of you are paying attention, here's a brief rundown of what happened at The Doc's. I apologize if this is also a bit vague and annotated, but trust me; you don't want all the gooey details.

At the risk of sounding like an advertisement, the type of therapy I do is Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy or CBT. As a child of divorce, I had spent 15 years in & out of therapy. Finally I got sick of talking about my parents and how the divorce affected me blah blah zzzzzzzz.....So, one day I figured out that the only thing I could change was myself and my behavior and there you have it.

Part of CBT is something called a Thought Record. Trust me when I say, they suck and I'm not known for enthusiastically taking part in them.

However, by Monday evening my thoughts had started to race and I was freaking out. So, I Googled Thought Record and did my own on the train.

When I met with The Doc, here's how I relayed the story:

"And I was so friggin upset, look what I did? I did a motherfucking thought record all on my own. THAT'S how upset I was!!!" (try to visualize me holding up a piece of notebook paper & shaking it wildly).

And The Doc's response? Cracking up and nearly falling over. And my mother's response to the story of the story? Snorting and laughing so hard she almost hung up on me.

Soooo lesson #1: one woman's mental anguish is another woman's comedy.

The remainder of the session was spent systematically breaking down the thoughts I have and determining their origin and how to combat them with Alternative Thoughts. Basically, if you have a "hot thought" what is the evidence for and against that thought? How can they be combined to create a more balanced thought?

The good news is: the thoughts that I am having about this situation are very similar to other thoughts I have about other situations. I'm not known for thinking in grey areas, and it's been something I've been working on.

At any rate, I'm feeling much better and I'm working hard to continue thinking my balanced thoughts.

Also determined in session? That in the "jungle" of dating, most people enjoy the thrill of the chase. I am however, "the fat lazy wildebeest in the shade" (code for: no, I do not like the unexpected and adrenaline is overrated).

Thanks again for listening...