My heart aches...
I don't know if anyone was actually following the Baby Emily links, but she is now at peace.

I encourage you to leave comments if you wish:


I don't have a title.

Things are not going well.

Shit. Damn. Hell.

Sorry to be Debbie Downer ya'll, but I felt I needed to post this.
Please keep Baby Emily & the Mandell Family in your thoughts.


I don't even know where to begin

Hello Again!

It's been a while. To be honest, I am LACKING in the witty, poignant or topical posts. So, I thought I would take a page from Namby Pamby's playbook. I have been trying to get my 2007 W-2 stub back from this woman for a few weeks now, and last week I finally lost it. This is the correspondence we have been having.

And now, without further ado, I give you the most asinine email exchange EVER!!! (Well, maybe not ever, but in the Top 10 at least)

Please to read:

From: Dysfunction Junction
To: Mortgage Heifer
Sent: Thu Mar 19 21:25:21 2009

Subject: 2007 W-2
Mortgage Heifer,

I just looked at my 2007 tax return that was mailed back to me. My W-2 from Big Parent Company for 2007 appears to be missing. I need this for my accountant. Please let me know as soon as possible when you locate it.
Dysfunction Junction

From: Mortgage Heifer
Subject: Re: 2007 W-2

To: Dysfunction Junction
Date: Thursday, March 19, 2009, 11:24 PM
I will check DJ.

From: Dysfunction Junction
Sent: Monday, March 23, 2009 11:07 AM

To: Mortgage Heifer
Subject: Re: 2007 W-2
Hi MH,
Were you able to locate the 2007 W-2 stub from Big Parent Company?
Thanks, D-Jizzle

From: Mortgage Heifer

Subject: RE: 2007 W-2
To: Dysfunction Junction
Date: Monday, March 23, 2009, 1:30 PM
yes, where should I fax it to?

From: Dysfunction Junction
Subject: RE: 2007 W-2
To: Mortgage Heifer
Date: Monday, March 23, 2009, 3:12 PM

Could you just put it on “friend who works with you” desk? I have a meeting with her tomorrow so she can just bring it to me.
Dysfunction Junction


From: Dysfunction Junction

To: Mortgage Heifer
Sent: Wed Mar 25 09:10:32 2009

Subject: RE: 2007 W-2

Were you not able to locate the original W-2? It's very important that I get this information to my accountant and I would really like the have the original in my possession.

From: Mortgage Heifer

Subject: Re: 2007 W-2
To: Dysfunction Junction 12:06 PM
Can I fax it to you?

From: Dysfunction Junction

To: Mortgage Heifer
Sent: Wed Mar 25 11:21:27 2009
Subject: Re: 2007 W-2
I can pick it up...to specify, do you have the original? I do not want a faxed copy; I would like the original for my personal records.


From: Mortgage Heifer
Subject: Re: 2007 W-2
To: Dysfunction Junction
Date: Wednesday, March 25, 2009, 12:49 PM
I am not in the office today and can messenger it to you tomorrow or fax you a copy I have on me.

From: Dysfunction Junction
Sent: Wednesday, March 25, 2009 12:42 PM

To: Mortgage Heifer
Subject: Re: 2007 W-2

I will pick it up tomorrow, there's no need to messenger it.I will be by between 4:30 & 4:45. If there is a front desk/receptionist area you can just put it in an envelope if you're unavailable.

From: Mortgage Heifer
Subject: RE: 2007 W-2

To: Dysfunction Junction
Date: Wednesday, March 25, 2009, 1:44 PM

Yes, will leave with receptionist.

No...no really. No need to thank me for the lost IQ points you now all have. Gifts of scotch are thanks enough. Oy vey.


Tee Hee...

Hey folks. I needed a laugh today. Perhaps you do as well? If so, please check out Random Esquire.

The dog is an absolute RIOT.

Also, I hope it's not poor form linking to someone's blog without telling them first. If so Random Esquire, if you come here, please be kind.


Is that all there is?

*Authors Note: this title sucks*

Hey. Hi. How's it going? Actually, it's going quite shitty. I've been having a rough go of it at work and Daisy is having a rough go of it not at work.

So that being said. I have a new blog crush. Ever since she wrote a hysterical post about her first gynecologist appointment. Her name is Emily and she's a riot.

That being said, I felt the need to post about her post about a different Emily. I'm too tired to write anything remotely clever so I've decided to take the easy way out and direct you to her.

I know the economy is in the shitter, so don't feel like you need to do anything. I'm just hoping by me posting this, maybe one more person will read about little Emily. If you've got lots of readers and feel like passing it on, please feel free to do so...the more the merrier I say.

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to self medicate with Corn Flakes & chocolate (what? that's all I have in the house)


She's baack

So, one of my favorite blog author is back on the internets after a hiatus.

If you get a momentito, wander over to Jane Winebox and say hello, tell her DJ sent ya!

Jane, my precious...I'm so glad you're back.

Arrrrr matey!

So, here's a fun Saturday afternoon for ya!

I paid a visit to my friendly neighborhood optometrist because I needed more contacts. Also, as some of you may know, because I've been having some weird symptoms in my right eye.

For about three weeks I've had burning, watering and I've been really sensitive to light. It would not improve when I would remove said contacts, but it was never red & itchy, so I figured it would go away.

It didn't. Originally we figured it was a side effect from the new headache meds. Then we thought it was due to mold exposure from the leaky ceiling at work (a WHOLE nother story).

So fast-forward to today: my optometrist looks at my eye and informs me she's surprised I made it three weeks because I must be in a considerable amount of discomfort. Why yes, I am, thank you for noticing.

She then proceeds to inform me that said discomfort is due to a small bit of plastic that has become embedded in my cornea.

WHA??????!!!! Exsqueeze me?

And now? Basically now I'm sitting with a numb right eye after her removing said detritus with what I believe is the world's tiniest scalpel.

And that noise you hear? That would be my mother who hasn't stopped cracking up.


Aesop's Fables

Mmmm...pulled pork sandwiches. Yes, that is one of the first things I think of when I go to the hills. Barbecue.

I know everyone is waiting on pins & needles for a recap.

I had a wonderful time full of food & laughs. There was plenty of bad reality television watching and definitely not enough skiing.

There was also non-alcohol induced vomiting. I blame the several hours of watching Ruby and The Bachelor (sweet jeebus, was that an awful experience, they tell me people actually enjoy this Bachelor business).

As with La-a & Daisy's meetup, this vacation with a new friend could not have gone better. I mean, everything is good once you have a few inside jokes & catchphrases. I also got to spend some much needed time with my Pops & his ladyfriend. Although he and I get along better when we're not around each other constantly, I do miss the big lug.

Only one downfall...

This trip made me realize that my life is pretty good & I kinda like it. However, I did realize how much I really dislike my job.

How did I come to this you ask? Well, I pretty much figured it out when I burst into tears waiting for takeoff. And continued off and on until my Mom picked me up. The concept of having to return to my job was enough to put me over the edge and that scares the crapola out of me.

Yes, I recognize the fact that I am extremely lucky to have a job in this current economic environment. Does it change the fact that the one I have happens to be a soul-sucking one? Nope. But at least I've figured out that maybe there aren't as many changes that need to be made in my life. Maybe I just need ONE BIG ONE.

So, I'm going to push harder. I'm going to take on as many things that have to do with what I want to be doing. As many as I can find and as many I can do before I fall over from exhaustion. And then maybe some more....

So, lesson learned and it's time for better (and hopefully bigger paycheck) things.


Don't call it a comeback

Just a little somethin, somethin to whet your whistle...I'll post about les vacances when I'm not snoozing on my keyboard.