Time may change me...

Well here it is...the big announcement.

I am moving.

HA! Scared ya didn't I? No....just to a new blog.

That's right! I finally got my own digs.

I'm just cleaning up a few more things there, so I'll be back with the new address shortly.

Just get ready to change those readers...wouldn't want you to miss a single minute of the hilarity.

Feliz Aniversario Fucker!

Well that's an awfully strong title isn't it?

You know what? It's totally suitable. As The Moms just reminded me (which she didn't need to, I haven't forgotten) this is the one year anniversary of Wallace. If you would like to read a little background, you can go here or here. I don't talk much about him because I don't like being the "sick" girl.

One year ago, I was scared shitless. One year ago I sat on my floor and sobbed.

One year ago, I knew that it wasn't serious, but I didn't know WHAT HE WAS.

I knew my life had changed forever. Thanks to that little fucker, I can't leave a job I don't like. Because I can't get insurance otherwise. Thanks to him, I've got a pre-existing condition.

I wish I could say "thanks to him, I embrace my life and am thankful, blah blah..." To be honest, if he disappeared tomorrow, I wouldn't think twice about him.

I'd live my life exactly the same way.

(If you'd like to see photos of the little jackass, let me know....there are certain people who are very important to me who don't want to hear or see anything about him)

Downs. And ups.

Wow. Where have I been?? I swear I've been meaning to write this post since Tuesday.

So, as many of you know I had a presentation on Tuesday that I was nervous & therefore FREAKING OUT about.

Why you ask? (and are probably asking, how is this different from every other time you freak out?)

Somehow, the folks in charge at the J.O.B. decided that this "social media thing" is something they should get involved in. And hey!!! DJ knows how to do that!!! (Ok, I offish SUCK at hiding my Tweeting during the day)

So, I make my presentation. I am pleased as punch about the preliminary research I've done and with the way I presented it.

And all should be great right?? Except the co-workers are still thinking in a "use Social Media to reach our existing customers" kind of way. Uhhhhh.....yeah. Not really the point of the "social media thing".

Also, fun fact...as it turns out, I could potentially work my ass off to get this strategy/policy off the ground and they could still hire someone else TO DO IT.

It's been a roller coaster of a week.

But a roller coaster that ends on a HUGELY HIGH NOTE

As of, ohhhhh four hours ago, one of my favorite people on earth, my Muffin, my doppelganger became affianced.

That's right gentlemen (and maybe some ladies) Miz. Animal Crackers if officially OFF THE MARKET!

Much love, hugs and kisses to her and T. I'm so happy for the both of you....

Yes. I am a sap.

Well now. That was an awful lot of schmoop & sadface for a few days. Let's lighten things up shall we?

I know that we are still a ways out from the Holidays and I know some of you will groan at the concept of snow. But, I love the pow pow and this video never fails to bring a smile to my face. And ok, I LOVE Harry Connick Jr. too.

So, watch. Enjoy! (Unless you're 12minds, in which case I've likely sent you 8,000 Cute Overload posts already today. Oh hell, you should sit and enjoy this too!)

This road

So, enough of the schmoop, for now. Who's in the mood for soul-sucking jobs, subsequent depression and general crazy pants behavior??

Ooooh, I am, I am!!! Well, c'mere...sit down, let's chat a little.

It's been a shitty week. There's no other way to put it. A little background for you:

As many of you know, I'm in an unsatisfactory employment situation. But, as a good friend put it, it has gone from "unsatisfactory" to "toxic". It has become quite clear, that my job is about to undergo a dramatic change. In a recent discussion of our "roles", it was pretty obvious that what I think my job is (and the parts of it I do like) is not that at all.

There's more, but if I go into it all, we'll be here all day.

I'm ambitious...no two ways about it. I know what I'm good at and have been working really hard to get myself to where I want to be. If there's an opportunity for me to meet someone who I can gain insight from, I'm there. I've been really lucky to have support from some great people.

Here's the problem. You know how they say, "it's better to be lucky than good"? Well, what if I'm only lucky...what if I'm really not good? People tell me that PR is where I should be, what I should be doing, but if it's been such a struggle to get there, maybe they're wrong?

Lately I've been feeling like an iron bar is stretched across my chest. I'm being crushed against a wall, trying to escape but I've no way out. How do you free yourself from something when you've got no means to do so?

I'm pretty sure I need a new path, a new journey....but I don't know how to get there. I'm using all the tricks in my bag and still getting nowhere.

All of this wouldn't really be an issue if it were just me. But it's not just me anymore. This stress is taking a toll on me, and I'm starting to take it out on my loved ones.

I feel awful that I'm no longer myself. I feel terrible that there are people who only know this tense, sad, angry part of me.

Sigh.

I wish this could be resolved by me just thinking about it, by formulating a plan. That's what I'm good at. You give me a problem, a few hours (maybe days) and I'll find you a solution. But frankly, I don't want to think about this anymore. I'm sick of ALWAYS thinking of this. I don't want to be held down by this weight anymore. But I don't know what else I can do.

So, ok Universe. You win this round. But I'm a lot tougher than I look. That's fine. You can fuck with me all you want...

I'll just keep coming back until I win.

Only you know how...

During the long period when I was single-ish (let's just call it The Great Drought of 2004-2009), whenever I was forced (yes, forced) to talk about relationships I would always say the same thing.

"I just want someone who I fit with."

That's really an oversimplification, but, since everyone has issues, I wanted someone with issues that I could deal with and my issues were something that he could deal with. Like puzzle pieces, fitting together to fill in the empty parts in each other.

Every day I'm a bit more amazed with a certain gentleman's ability to handle my neuroses and not run screaming the other way. I don't know how he knows how to deal with these things, but he does.

And I'm old enough to know that I should NOT question it.