Ready, Set....

Wooo....that was deep ya'll.

There are no words to describe how thankful I am to have you all in my life. Seriously. You keep me sane.

Ready to talk about more anxiety? In ten days, the lovely Daisy will be marrying her lobster B. I am attending said shindig. I'm sure I'll embarrass myself somehow.

In her understandable absence (Napa honeymoon anyone?) I will be one of her guest bloggers. There's only one eeensy, weensy problem.

I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT ON EARTH I SHOULD TALK ABOUT!!!!

So, my small but wonderful readership, is there anything you're just dying to hear me talk about?

Seriously. Someone tell me. Cause she's got some big guns coming in, and I refuse to be the podunk, little shit blogger.

Annnnnd, go!!

Good fences...

Will sometimes make you crazy.

Ya'll ready? I'm going to talk about teh feeeeelings...

Shit.

If you know me well enough, you know that the way I view my world can be a bit rigid. It's not something I'm particularly proud of, but I've managed to work really hard (mostly with the Doc) on being more flexible. The "real world" isn't black and white. Life is not that simple. Just because I want to box things up and keep things neat & tidy doesn't mean they will be.

Someone once told me, "you're a girl who lives your life in right angles." Do you know what you get when you have four right angles? You get a wall. You get order.

There are some things going on in my life right now that defy my cataloging system. By their very nature they are undefined, un-characterizable (yes, it's a word, at least it is now).

I'm doing a lot of work mentally & emotionally because, while some of this is scary, it is ultimately good for me. I have hopes. I've handled some things that, a mere six months ago, I would have checked out, said "thanks, but no thanks."

I want to believe that my hard work will pay off. That maybe this one road of mine won't be as bumpy as the others have been. I'm hoping I'm wiser. That I'm prepared to handle what may come. Because, what have I been working on with the Doc if not for this? That's what all my hard work has been for.

Because I AM ready.

**AUTHORESS' DISCLAIMER: THIS WAS A DIFFICULT POST FOR ME TO WRITE. I RESERVE THE RIGHT TO DELETE THIS IN A FIT OF PIQUE**

Scenes from a cubby

I think I've decided to alternate serious posts with funny ones. Let's see how it goes.

I've discussed the new soulmates before, but since it's likely I'll discuss them again, let me provide you with handy dandy nicknames:

How's about Sheezy & Neezy?

So, let me set the scene for you. I was speaking to Neezy on the phone (as I frequently am...any minute now: firing). Neezy is one of the funniest people I know. So, if it's not too much trouble, I'd like to share some of our convo.

This is Neezy relating a conversation she had with her dentist's office:

"So, Neezy, what are we doing tomorrow at your appointment?"

"First of all, who is this? Oh, hi. I'm thinking I'm gonna go get really loaded before my appointment so when he puts his hand in my mouth, I barf."

Discussing with me why my life/job/existence is soooooo hard:

"It's because God hates you. Something about you killing his son?"

Great googly mooogly, I love this woman.

*and scene*

Journey

No....not the band. Though, they do rock.

Sometimes I can get so wrapped up in my own shit, I forget that other people struggle too. They have goals and dreams, often much loftier & more inspiring than my own.

But life can be hard. How does one keep moving forward? Sometimes it feels as though life is designed to make you question yourself. If you know you love something and that's where you should be, what do you do when it seems like you'll never get there?

Do you change tacks? Maybe go in a different direction?

Sometimes even that feels like you're quitting.

What if you feel like putting the ol' "nose to the grindstone" is wearing you down?

What if you can't actually get to "Point A" from "Point Z"? What if you're supposed to stop in the middle, breathe & stay there for a bit?

How do you keep going? How do you even know when you get there?

It's the most wonderful time of the year

Well folks, it's almost that time.

No, not fall (though I love me a good cashmere cardigan).

Perhaps the "wedding to end all weddings"?

Maybe Daisy's wedding then?

Wrong on all counts....

wait for it....

IT'S MOTHERFUCKING HOCKEY TIME!!!!!

Yes, in less than 24 hours from right now, I will be watching my beloved Hawks on the television again. And you know what that means, don't you?

Imaginary Husband is back! I had a great photo of him playing golf, but it was all fuzzy when downloaded (you'll just have to trust me).

Ok, I do have an actual "deep thoughts" post that I'll get up shortly. Thanks for bearing with me.

It takes two.

I have very few things that I don't tell people. Not even on purpose really. Just like I have parts of my life that I don't discuss a lot.

So, we're gonna discuss one right now. For about two years I danced Argentinian Tango. That was almost two years ago.

I don't know why I'm thinking of it all of a sudden. My body instinctively wants to brush my knees & ankles together. I have found myself rising to the balls of my feet and doing steps in my kitchen. And why wouldn't I?

Just look at how pretty my tango shoes are:

(Yes they are that high. They are also designed for Tango and are specifically balanced.
I can spend several hours in them)

I always felt so unlike myself when I was dancing. Not in a bad way mind you. In a "for some reason you are not awkward when you dance" kind of way. It just made sense to me. I understood the swaying, the rhythm in my chest. How I could close my eyes, walk backwards and feel totally balanced.

I'm not even sure I miss it...
I think I might miss the way I thought about myself when I was dancing. I miss the awe that I felt when I watched my instructors dance.

Well, see for yourself.



Here's an even more awesome one. Yes, she is 9 months pregnant!



Trust me when I tell you, they did not choreograph these. They just do it. And that's what's so amazing about Tango. Once you learn the steps, once you know your way around the floor, you just do it. You just hear the music and do what your feet & heart tell you to do.

So now you know. Yes, I think I can dance.

Focus!

**Author's note: I wanted to get this post out for Rebecca to email, but don't miss the golden opportunity to welcome me back below**

So, I guess this means I am offish back. I'm going to try something new. I'm going to talk about professional things without bitching.

Inspired by the lovely Rebecca at Modite who was inspired by Jena at Modish, I'm going to join in on the September Monthly Goal Meetup

I am proud to present my September Career/Life Goals

1. Get my resume in real fightin shape. This search has been going on too long. It's time for me to buckle down, focus, and get this new job shiz done.

2. Cement my relationships. I've finally got myself a great crew of friends, and I'm determined to make these relationships the ones that finally work.

3. Learn the basics of HTML. I am hoping by doing this, I can help out the Pops and earn a little cash that I can promptly donate to J.Crew.

So, I know you all want to participate now, don't you? Well, I'm glad you asked.

To participate in the meet-up:

• Post a list of your career/life related goals for Sept, along with your checked off August goals if you’d like, on your own blog
• Come back here and leave a link to your post in the comments (*If you don’t have your own blog, feel free to share your list of goals right here in the comments to join in!)
• Then, check out everyone else’s lists as they leave comments - click their links, visit their blogs, say hello, meet, greet and support each other because that’s what it’s all about!

Let's do the damn thing!

Is there anybody out there?

Um....hi. Remember me? *timidly waves*

Helloooooo? *echo echo echo*

I hope some people are still reading this. I'm back after an unfortunate "removal of stolen internet". I am now an honest woman.

I'm gonna take this nice and slow. You know what they say...use it or lose it. I'm really hoping that I haven't lost it.

It's been an odd couple of weeks. Slightly bumped & bruised, but I'm no worse for the wear.

I've managed to find my soul mates. Two ladies who when we are together make up for all the missing parts. And I simply adore them. In a short period of time, we've leaned on each other, cheered each other on and now I'm not sure how I've ever made it through some things without them.

I've got other things to talk about, but I'm not sure I'm ready for that. I think I'm still crystallizing some things.

BUT!!! There is light at the end of the tunnel. Namely,

BLACKHAWKS PRE-SEASON GAMES START IN 13 DAYS!!!!
Yes, ladies and gents. Hockey starts again in less than two weeks.

And as the first game is against the Caps, I have only one thing to say:

Hey D.C. peeps??? Your shit is goin dooooowwwn. Downtown.
(strangely cathartic)

Anyways, I'm glad I'm back. I know I've missed you. I hope you've missed me.